In 1992, I attended my inaugural WZ class in Newark, New Jersey, where Doug and Dave served as instructors. Since that point, my journey has involved numerous classes, seminars, webinars, and conferences on interviewing. Despite the evolving landscape since ’92, certain principles, such as respect, remain timeless. Inspired by speakers at Elite Training Days 2023 in San Antonio, I’m compelled to share a personal experience underscoring the impact of treating individuals with respect, even if you feel they do not deserve it.
Back in 2002, as the lead detective in the Sexual Assault unit, I found myself at a crime scene in the dead of night. Exhausted and not firing on all cylinders, I hastily made a decision that later challenged my interviewing skills. The suspect, already in custody, just appeared guilty. In a moment of unbridled stupidity, I had the officer transport him to jail. It was shortly afterwards that I had a moment of clarity. And in that moment, I realized I probably should have done at least a little more investigation prior to making that decision.
There was not much in the way of forensic evidence as the victim, an 11-year-old with learning disabilities, and the suspect, the victim’s stepfather, lived together. The mother reported she woke up and saw the two together in bed and did what you would expect a mom to do in that situation (no charges were filed against the mom). The scene was subsequently processed, the sole witness and the victim were interviewed. Now, armed now with only slightly more knowledge than I had when I made the decision to have him arrested, I went over to the jail to interview him.
It’s now about 4:30 AM, I’ve had a grand total of maybe two hours of sleep, a suspect sitting in custody in jail and my probable cause is weak. Very weak. This interview needed to be fruitful or come morning, he was going to get his lawyer and walk.
I have him brought into the interview room and after I introduce myself, he introduces himself and I try to build rapport. At that point, I discovered that we have nothing in common whatsoever except being overly tired. After about an hour or so of gaining his trust, I ask him if he’s hungry. I tell him I’m starving, and I leave the room. I come back in a few minutes carrying two trays of breakfast. We sit at the table and eat and talk, mostly about the town and how it’s changed over the past few years, but not about the case. I have the trays taken out of the room and sit back down. He immediately starts by telling me that he needs to talk about what he has been doing. He tells me that for the past three years he’s been abusing his stepdaughter. He goes into detail describing repeated assaults over the years. I listened, kept nodding, gesturing for him to continue, to explain. I said things like, “I could see how that could happen” and “I don’t know what I would do in that situation” and he continued talking. As was mentioned at Elite Training Days, sometimes the best thing you can do is shut up.
Months later, facing a court scenario with minimal evidence and a non-verbal victim, my expectations were low. However, the suspect, appreciating the respect he received during our interaction, offered a plea deal. I walk into the room and the suspect is there with his attorney. He immediately greets me and tells his attorney he wants to talk to me. Just me. His attorney and the ADA are not too thrilled with this. They finally acquiesce and stand just outside the door with the door open. He acknowledged the potential for acquittal but chose a 20-year sentence, recognizing the impact on the victim. This decision, shaped by respectful communication, was pivotal in securing justice. His words play on repeat in my head, “you gave me respect when I didn’t deserve it.”
This experience highlights the lasting impact of our words and actions during interviews. The success of this case was closely tied to the considerate treatment fostered through years of training. It serves as a powerful reminder to show regard for others. If we want to uncover the truth, we must build rapport, even if it seems challenging, and treat people with decency, regardless of our personal feelings. $Building empathy – respect through the interview process
